The Subtle Influence of White Privilege in My Life

I started my life in a wealthy family. I went to private prep schools in the south in a city that. My dad was a lawyer and when I was really young everything looked secure. It didn’t last. My family encountered financial problems and I left the private school life for a more real experience in the public school system by 5^th grade. Before going to public school, people of any color were always tokens. I didn’t know how to interact with them. They really didn’t have many friends and were always treated like an outsider if they weren’t extroverts (but even then). My point is, from a white rich perspective, everything looks comfortable. They spend money to make sure they don’t see or interact with poverty, color, or anything that throws into question their view of the world.

There was a moment in my very young life (around 5 or 6) when I watched a commercial where an attractive black woman was selling a product of some sort and I said out loud to myself (I tend to hold conversations aloud with myself) that “I would never marry one.”

After I said that, I realized something had been done to me. I realized that there was no reason why I would not marry a black woman other than her skin color. I realized I was racist. It’s one of my earliest memories that seared into my mind and I’m certain it was programmed into me having experienced that white privileged life. People of color in white private institutions are often treated as “the other” and that manipulates the minds of their classmates to treat them as such. I wanted to change this and it wasn’t until I left private school for public, did I realize how deeply entrenched the white privileged life was inside of my mind.

6^th grade was when I experienced culture shock. I moved from a public school on the north side of the city (still largely white, but certainly more children of color) to an inner city school that was transitioning to a creative arts school. It was the first year of the new realized creative arts school. The teachers and the administrators treated the children who remained when it was still an inner city school as problematic and they aimed to eventually even/weed out the population with more children interested in the arts. The school was divided racially by 95% black, 4% white, and 1% Asian/Hispanic. I found myself as the other. My first day was an eye opener. I introduced myself to my homeroom and made friends enough with some of the black students. So when lunch time came around I said to myself that I would find where those students were in the lunchroom and sit with them. I had an almost impossible time trying to remember faces, and to me at the time the black students looked way too similar. However, I found my homeroom friends and saved myself from embarrassment. As the year progressed, I moved away from the black students and made friends with the few white kids that were there. It just seemed to have naturally happened that all the white kids ended up being friends and separate from the black students (later in the year this would fracture. I’ll admit that the only non-white face I can remember was a Vietnamese kid who I played chess with in homeroom. I ended up getting into one fight that school year, my one and only black eye. The assistant principle asked me if I had a problem with there being mostly black students in the school (he was black) and this shocked me, because it wasn’t the case, but I realized it had to be the case for other white students there otherwise he probably would not have asked me. The fight was with a kid who had it out for me for whatever reason (the kid was later expelled for breaking into teacher’s cars), but I have a reputation for being a quiet, yet opinionated, introvert. My favorite band at the time (and still is) was KMFDM. Their motto of “Rip The System” fueled my anarchist tendencies and my deeper rejection of the white privileged mindset that was still deeply ingrained in me.

My point is, within white institutions the idea of race is an alien one. The institutions fail considerably at any attempt to raise consciousness of the society. They want the status quo. They want their children to be white, Christian, preppy, rich, and non-introspective. This was the late 80s going into the 90s and it still persists today. I wouldn't be who I am today if I had not experienced that culture shock in the 6^th grade, seeing that the system had intentionally programmed me into a white privilege mindset. This only scratches the surface about my experiences growing up, but I will admit I was at one time a racist child, programmed by the system my parents put me into. This system is not limited to private schools (as you can see it even existed in my experience in public school). This system runs the government, runs the banks, runs the churches, and just about every institution on the planet that does not make it a point to become aware of the societal brainwash. The system views minorities as the other and as the problem. If there is something wrong with society, the white privilege will blame blacks and the poor (often one and the same to them). This can change and it has, but we are far from getting rid of the white privileged mindset. The first step is to be aware that it has brainwashed you and a realize that its ok as long as you seek to change it.